Dear Blogger,
I tried but my true e-journal home is here...
http://users.livejournal.com/___patchwork/
It was a fun run! As short lived as it may have been.
Love,
Jessica.

vent

It seems as though every time midnight hits, my mind begins to wander and my thoughts become so cluttered. I think of all of the things I long to be good at, all the things I long to do with my time and my creativity peaks. Yet, it's midnight, and I only want to rest. I'll fall asleep after vegging out on the computer for a bit and in the morning begin my same ol' daily grind not paying any attention to my aspirations from the previous night. It's a constant frustration that I can easily solve. I just need to make time and let my mind wander all day.

I've found that one of the worst things that could happen is to have a dream that you're crying in, because if you dream like I do, you'll also wake up crying. I didn't have any control over this dream, but in the end the dream took control of my day. So, right here and now I'm making a vow to have a great day. It's the first Saturday I've had off in forever, so...

1. I've got music choice playing on tv while I'm getting ready, and even though most of you may beg to differ, I feel the Goo Goo Dolls, Dave Matthews Band and Train are great ways to start the day.
2. I'm wearing a sweater, and the weather couldn't be more perfect for it.
3. I took my dog for a quick walk around the neighborhood.
4. I'm going to take a drive downtown and probably grab a coffee or chai latte and maybe go to the library.
5. I'm going to help out a bit at a youth retreat.
6. And last but not least, I'm going to see one of my favorite local bands, Definition Plexus, tonight. I haven't seen them in what might be years, and I'm pretty excited.

So there's that, today will be a better day than I had originally planned, and I'm going to force it upon myself which is quite alright with me. I hope you all can find ways to make your day just a little better too :)

a survey via yrgranny!

favourite drink: The warm caramel cider I learned how to make at work today!

favourite singer: I'll always love John Mayer, probably for my whole life. But lately I'm also loving Paolo Nutini and Regina Spektor, I think it's the weather.

favourite place to hide: 'My' bench down by the Flint Riverside Park with a book.

favourite perfume: Viva la Juicy and Daisy by Marc Jacobs, not that I can afford them or anything...

favourite cake: Funfetti!

favourite film: Oooh, Elizabethtown, Children of Men, Zombieland, Lords of Dogtown, The Godfather Trilogy (except not really because I still haven't seen the third one), Wicker Park, etc.

favourite overused word: This one's hard, you'd have to ask the people I hang around with most.

favourite pet name: Since I don't have a special someone to give me petnames, I'm just going to tell you the names I like for pets, dogs in particular haha. King Leonidas (my puppy), Trailmix, and Van.

favourite dead popstar: James Dean.

favourite childhood memory: Too, too many...sharing a room with my sister, going 4-wheel driving in a Jeep Wrangler with my dad, adventuring with Anna, Sarah, and Johnny.

favourite food: Chicken and Rice made by Emily's mom, Chicken enchiladas, and Aimee's dad's stirfry.

(recycled from may 12, 09)

After a long talk with a close friend, this is what I've determined...

98% of the people you meet will never truly know who you are. They’ll never have an accurate depiction of the person you are, they may capture a glimpse of who you want to be, or who you pretend to be. But it takes a true friend who knows your past, present, hidden thoughts and late-night epiphanies to understand who you are at your core. They know your best, your worst and your most obscure plans. They understand the thoughts that most cast aside as insane. They support the plans that most deem out of reach. They laugh at what most would see as immature and they cry with you when most wouldn’t understand.

And the rest? They absorb a skewed view of what you choose to project when you’re around them. They see the clothes you choose to wear and hear the thoughts that make it through your filter. The rest don’t quite get a feel for true opinions. The rest can’t comprehend what truly makes you happy and what hurts you the most. Image is everything and the surface is hardly ever broken.

I’ll never believe anyone who says they are completely themselves at all times, because I know that’s impossible. Everyone cares about what others think at some point, and everyone changes and everyone acts out without reason.

Thank God for the 2% who understand. Whether they’re a best friend, significant other or close family member, they’re what keep us, us. Because when we run around like floaters we know we’ve got that stability to rely on. We can be whoever we want when we meet new people and we can hide our past from them, but we know that we’ve got that 2% who truly know us.

I've never been able to say this before, and I never thought I would, but here goes...
My prayer has been answered.
Now, before you just click over to a new link because you're not interested in hearing my "testimony" or you don't believe in prayer just hear me out. I'm not about to preach a sermon, I've just never experienced something so perfect fall into my lap before, and because of my faith and belief system I have a specific higher power to give my thanks to.
Also as a warning, this might get a little lengthy so sorry if I bore you.
And without further ado, here's my story...

For quite sometime I've been planning on applying to a group called CSM, the Center for Student Missions. In short, it's an urban ministry program based in about 10 major cities across the US + Toronto, CA. I would be applying to be a group leader, meaning I would be in charge of leading the different youth groups that come on a missions trip around the city. Yadda, yadda, I think you get the point. This was something I wanted to do because I've always loved serving, especially in urban settings.

However, in these past few weeks a few different things have fallen in place for me. I got the job at Border's and I think I've once again decided on a major, Sign Language interpretation. So, needless to say I began questioning my application for this group. I know that urban ministry is something I want to do with my life, but I wasn't sure that this was the right time for me to apply. I'm also really passionate about my city, Flint, and I've been trying to find more and more ways to get involved here at home, but nothing seems to be popping up.

As of the last month or so I've been attending a Bible study on Monday nights that meets downtown at the Salvation Army Citadel, and somehow last night I brought up the whole CSM thing and the struggle I'd been having on whether or not I should apply right now. Tonight, I logged on to Facebook and saw that I had a message from Tom, the leader of the Bible study, and in fear of being unable to paraphrase clear enough, I'll just copy and paste the message he sent...

Jessica,

I was intrigued by your passion to be involved in missions, specifically urban missions when you were sharing last night. I wanted to talk to you, but I was sneezing like crazy and it would not have been a very productive conversation.

Anyway, my job is pretty much an urban ministry job. My wife and I serve as the Community Ministry Coordinators for our church, The Salvation Army. We currently offer several opportunities such as prayer walks through the neighborhood, after school program for kids with tutoring, spring break VBS, Summer Day Camp, Musical lessons, Fitness activities, Bible studies, and more.

We're currently working on developing some alt. spring break /service programs for college age people for Christmas, Spring Break, and the summer. We're also working on purchasing or renting a house in the neighborhood to turn into a college co-op/ gap year house for people committed to urban ministry for at least a year. We also do all ages shows, are looking at srating church services aimed at young adults, and city people, as and more.

I know that you are excited for the program you mentioned, and also the draw of a big city, but that you cannot commit yet because of school and work. If you would like to know more about what we do, I am sure you will find it is very much in line with what you are looking to do, just on a local level in a smaller city with very similar needs. As I said to Alycia, it's a great place to get your feet wet and learn while in a smaller context, which is exactly what she is doing.

Anyway that was on my mind. Hope all is well.

Tom

Could that be any more perfect? I really don't think so, I feel like I'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity. When I read this I truly freaked out, I know it might sound exaggerated to some, but for me this is a big deal. I'm always worried about whether or not I have direction in my life and for once I feel like I really am in the right place, doing the right thing. I'm so, so excited to be able to get involved in what I love, in the city I love.
Anywaysss, I hope that you, too, wherever you may be, can find out what you love, and find the opportunities to act on it. Because it's really an uplifting thing.

Tomorrow consists of classes in the morning, Halloween costume browsing in the afternoon, and bible study in the evening.

But tonight consists of me telling you about Noelle and I's plans for an extravagant Christmas party! Let's begin...

The Theme
Tacky as can be. End of story.

The Attire
Ugly Christmas sweaters, acid washed jeans/red pants/green pants/white pants. Reindeer antlers, ornament earrings, tinsel necklaces, your best dancing shoes.

The Environment/Grub
A Christmas Story will, without a doubt, be playing in the background. It will be muted however because a themed playlist is always necessary. Eggnog is a must and those Christmas sugar cookies with Santa's face on them are as well. We can't forget a little fake snow and a Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

Depending on our dedication and budget we also hope to provide little goodie bags for our guests. And of course, this party will have a sweet name, TBA in due time, it is afterall, only September.